It's a new day is kind of deceiving...it's a new start for me really. For my family. I feel the positive changes happening around me and I wanted to take a moment to reflect on that. Positivity can breed positivity, right?

Many of you know my story...well this one....the one that started on 12/11/10 with the sudden death of my husband at the age of 37....this is the day I became a different person.

Looking back almost 10 years later....I'm pretty happy about the person I have become. I have learned so many new things, explored and continue to explore new skills everyday and even started a business with a great friend and business partner. I have a blended family of boys, with my new husband, who are growing not only in age but in stature as well. I am soon to be the shortest person in my family! I look forward to new adventures and have even learned how to create adventures in learning right here at home. I have gained immense perspective from the death of a spouse at such a young age with this incredible ability to look inward and toward the universe and really take the world in. Have I done these things alone....NO WAY! I have incredible friends and family who give me support and don't need the ones who no longer do. Their loss...not mine. I love diving down new rabbit holes everyday gaining knowledge and insight into the interconnectedness of our world and the universe. I have my angels, ancestors, loved ones, reiki masters, fairies, and spiritual leaders by my side. I feel them everyday. My DNA has been activated and I feel a renewed energy and spirit within me.

This whole post started as I was reflecting on how much my life has changed in the last 2 weeks. This incredibly heavy worry I carry for my 2 boys everyday is exhausting. Now that one of them has an internal defibrillator I feel just a little lighter....no a lot lighter..almost able to dance on the wind, some of that worry is gone! I just can't believe it. What's the big deal you ask? Well for years I have struggled with a huge amount of guilt that Vince died. Had he had an ICD he'd still be here today...probably. But when both my boys got diagnosed I didn't sleep for years, especially since my youngest was diagnosed 3 months after his dad died. He was only 2. I felt this vigilance I had to keep watch of over them was the debt I owed them...the way I had failed Vince. Now that one of them has this ICD, not only do I feel confident it can protect him in ways I never could or can...I feel like I've done my job with one... that my level of intense vigilance over them can be lifted. It is so FREEING!!! I will always worry, I know ICD's aren't perfect, but the vigilance is stiffling for them and me. I feel like I can breathe new breath....let him be independent...by duty has been done.